I can’t even tell you how long it has been since I’ve actually been on tumblr, but my use peaked around 3-4 years ago. If you look at my posts (especially me and personal tags) you see the person I was at that point and how I just felt nothing but depression and hurt almost constantly. I would talk about people who meant the world to me and the boy who I swore to the stars I was going to marry. I am now so far beyond that it is scary. No one that was in my life then is in my life now. I’ve moved 5 hours away from my hometown to go to college, I have made some of the best friends I could ever imagine having, made a bunch of mistakes but regret none of them, just embraced the lessons they have taught me. Yes, I still get sad sometimes. Yes, I think about what woulda/coulda/shoulda been. But I look forward at what will be and what I can make of myself. My life is a gift and I am here to stay and work with it to be someone, do something, and impact this world and the people in it the way I was intended to. Getting away from my home and totally changing every aspect of my life has done wonders for me. I know that that isn’t a possibility for everyone, but if you do get the opportunity to go away to college or move out of your hometown for any reason, if only for just a short while, I would take it. It is immensely eye-opening that there is a whole world beyond the neighborhood you’ve known your whole life. College, although it isn’t for everyone, is the best thing I’ve ever done. Everyone in college isn’t always super depressed and stressed like posts make it out to be. Yes, I stress. Yes, I do work. Yes, I’m busy. But I make time for fun things. I party on the weekends, and I know that isn’t for everyone, but being in an old, dirty house where the only furniture is a pong table and all the windows are boarded up, full of friends and memories to be made. Music playing, drowning out the worries of the day and focusing you on having fun and being young…there’s nothing like it. Life is a gift that I am so thankful to have and love to just appreciate in the simplest ways.
If there are any 13-16-year-olds on here who feel the same way I did 3-5 years ago when I wanted to take my life on a frequent basis and felt like life was a waste of time, I want you to know that it does get better. Life is not perfect, but it is whatever you chose to make of it. If you have problems, please get help. If you don’t want help, just know you will be ok just like me. You’re strong, you’re a fighter, and it will get better. I know you hear this all the time and it is hard to believe that you will be okay, but I speak from experience. One of the hardest things I have ever done, and am still trying to learn how to do, is live for myself and that is definitely the only way to truly be happy. You can’t depend on other people because they won’t be there in the end. It’s all about you and being your own purpose for living and doing what you do. Not to say that friendships and relationships aren’t worth it and that you should be selfish, but at the end of the day acknowledge you need to love yourself just as much as everyone else around you because, at the end of the day, you’re all you have forever.
someone in your class mentions communism. they speak about it at length. you are in biology class.
you text your mother. she does not respond for 3 days. you text her again and then realize that it has only been 2 hours since your first text.
freshmen travel in packs. what are they afraid of.
your class is in room 153. the numbers start at 201. you cannot find the first floor.
someone is talking about communism. it is not the same person as last time. this is an english class.
your transcript says you have an A in philosophy 3310. you do not remember taking this class. what did you learn? what did you do?
you meet your elevator buddy. you do not speak. you never do. you ride in silence. one day, they are not there. you miss them.
your advisor refers you to the registrar. the registrar refers you to admissions. admissions refers you to both the registrar and your advisor. you have spoken to two people who do not exist and one who has been dead for ten years.
the boy who sits next to you wears the same clothes everyday. you think this is strange but when you mention it, he tells you that this is the first time he has worn this outfit. you realize that you have lived this day before.
you pass someone sleeping in the quad. he has always been there. stop looking at him.
someone answers, “communism.” it is not someone who has been previously mentioned. the question was, “what is an example of the art of ancient greece?”
you have a doppelganger on campus. you have never met them. they know all of your friends.
the seniors speak only to professors. their eyes are dead. they have given up the safety of the pack long ago.
the professor is talking about STD’s. your math class is very strange.
the powerpoint is in comic sans. you suspect that your economics professor is an extraterrestrial being after all.
“communism,” the man serving you lunch insists. wearily you nod. that’s what everyone says.
Here’s to my graysexuals. The ones who’ve only felt attraction once in their lives. The ones who aren’t sure what kind of attraction it was. The ones who are solid in their identity. The ones who aren’t sure.
You matter, you’re valid, and I love you very much.
